I need some reality back in my life

Wednesday July 7, 2004

I really dislike being angry. It’s a massively unproductive state, invading and overwhelming every other emotion. Sometimes it’s productive, mostly it’s not. And the state of anger I’ve reached on this darn stupid computer virus situation is not productive, not at all.

I’ve now used a total of seven different virus detection and cleaning programs, from seven different sources. None of them are able to detect the trojan horse on my system, far less remove it. I’ve spent ages poring over Microsoft technical pages, to absolutely no good effect.

There’s little else left to do but reformat my hard disks and reinstall Windows and all my software. Or live with it. I have now heard from or discovered through discussion forums several people who have systems infected with the Download.Trojan, have done everything possible to remove it, without success, and who are now carrying on regardless. I can find no reliable information on what precisely the thing does, or may do. All I am told is that the risk is low, and containment easy. And that fits my experience exactly.

So there’s a lot of anger in me just now. And I don’t like it. For now, just at this moment, I’m wondering if it’s all worth the trouble.

I really dislike being angry. I’m managing it pretty well, haven’t hit anything, or anyone. I dislike the way some people resort to some kind of violence when they are angry. Oh, sure, I’d like to beat the living daylights out of whoever it is has spoiled my system but, thankfully, knowing myself well enough, I’d not do it, not when it really came down to it.

What I do when I need to manage my anger is to get to my feet and walk away from the source. Just for a while. Just long enough to do something else, something completely unconnected with the problem.

I’m reasonably confident that my computer system is no danger to anyone else on the Internet. My outgoing email is clean, checked by an absolutely up to date copy of Norton, and the firewall is acting normally to stop unauthorised processes on my computer from accessing the network. I’ve checked all that.

So I’m going to put it all to the back of my mind for a few days, and carry on as though the situation doesn’t exist. It seems the ‘trojan horse’ is in a dormant phase just now, and will rear its ugly head again in four or five days. I shall decide what to do about it then and, from what I know now, that will be to give in, reformat and reinstall. Sad, ennit.

But there you go. As I write, very late in the evening, a storm is brewing. Much of southern England and Wales has been badly affected during the day and now it seems as though it’s coming our way. I’ve boiled water and filled several flasks, and got the candles and torches ready.

Having your head down, solving computer problems, brings about a feeling of unreality, I find. It’s always been the same with me. You embark on a project, completely submerge yourself in it, and then, when you lift up your head to take notice of what’s happening in the world you find it’s been moving along perfectly happily in your absence. Unless you involve yourself in the world, it carries on without you. That’s not a good thing, not for me it isn’t.

So I’m going to go out and watch the gathering storm, thrill to the wind and, maybe, shout defiance at it. I’d enjoy that. I need some reality back in my life. Come, friendly bombs, and fall on Microsoft, that’s what I say. Oh, Gosh, I really do need some reality back in my life.

See ya tomorrow. Everything will be better then.

Stickford, Jul,'04
Gathering storm



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